Pieces of Me

It's been a long time since I have written a blog such as the one you are about to read.  I feel it's time to give my readers a few pieces of the puzzle.  I had to get out of thinking that I was "putting my business out there" and realize that maybe just maybe if I open up...I could inspire someone with my life experiences.  So here it is....enjoy.  Pieces of Me

For those of you who don't know, I recently moved back home about 8 months ago.  Before I left, my life was a mess.  I had no passion for my career, I allowed my day job to interfere with my business (something I still feel overly guilty about), I felt like my friends didn't really understand me, I felt like my family members were being selfish towards me, I lost a few loved ones and even dating was beginning to terrify me.  Then an opportunity came and I took it without hesitation (OK there was a little but not much)!

Those 13 months away did wonders for me.  I discovered work/life balance.  I tried new things.  I found some focus.  I created new pieces for my business. I became more self aware most of all.

The first thing I did was eliminate stress from my life by going home on time, getting active again and doing things I loved again.  I saw a change in my personality and my physical appearance.  My career was still the same though...and that had to change. Immediately.  A better career opportunity brought me back home and I couldn't be happier.  So now I had career checked, stress in check, renewed passion in my artworks, and a renewed vision for my business.

I now had to tackle friends and family.  One thing about family...they will ALWAYS be your family.  You can't change them and you shouldn't allow them to change you!  So please don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.  They will get over it and will still be there.  No need to elaborate on that one. 
Friends...this was the tricky part.  I knew that my friends were going to be resistant to these changes I made.  I was even prepared for some of them preferring the unhappy me.  I simply became "OK" with this.  I simply accepted the fact that friends will come and go and sometimes you have to let them go.  So that's what I did.  No hard feelings - no nasty arguments.  I simply let go.  I was accused of changing, of being anti-social, of not being the person they always thought I was (in other words "fake").  None of this bothered me because I was now so happy and aware of who I am as a person.  What others say about me doesn't bother me because I know my worth. 

So, in this renewed life of mine I have learned to accept the family unit I was given but still live my life for me.  I also learned that it's OK to have friends come and go.  It's called growth and there's no shame in that.  In fact it's a beautiful thing.  Real friends will grow with you.

Lately, that leaves dating.  I always felt I was incapable of being in love. I asked my really close friends all time what it felt like to be in love and how would I know.  Finally I was resolved to it never happening to me because I am just wired that way.  I am not saying I wanted it - I am simply saying that I felt I was incapable of it.  Therefore I was OK with it. I think it's part of being an Aquarian...we are so distant and cosmic.  As I went on a journey of self awareness though...I start to think to myself...maybe, I want to take on other roles I never took on before.  I started to think about children and really debate if it was something I wanted to do (without a spouse because I was incapable of falling in love, remember?).  Children still remained on my mind through the move...just debating it still but more or less....  Then I decided to get back into the dating game and everything was going well at first until I realized that I was dating "safe".  I realized that I was going for guys who, in my eyes, were well behaved and that I could trust.  Unfortunately with that logic, I could never get any passion or true love.  Why would I want love anyways since I was incapable of it?  At this time I felt all this was just pointless and so I decided to just STOP.  Just stop.  Take some time to decide what I really wanted out of dating.  In the midst of my "downtime" I had a conversation with a friend who was determined to find a meaningful relationship.  It was at that time that I decided to try seriously dating with a purpose.  It was then that I begin to see things differently and started to do things differently.  Shortly after that is when I realized - I AM capable of love.  I know this because feel differently about dating, I react differently to dating experiences.  I no longer play it safe and I am no longer afraid.  True, I have had some let downs and false alarms in past experiences but I have learned so much about myself and relationships.  I learned about what I want and what I will not accept. I learned that I was ready for love.

Through all of this I have learned to take control of my life and to have purpose in life to get the happiness I want.  I learned what I am capable of doing.  I know that I can be the best mother, lover, wife, friend, daughter, sister, whatever.  I have been through some things in life but my accomplishments are not to be taken for granted.  I should always be proud of how far I have come.  And lastly I should not be afraid of growth.