Random Thoughts....

*Warning - Yes, this is really how my mind works.  Enjoy!

I smelled raw meat and it was stronger than usual
I almost gagged
I think I should be vegan now...

That's a sign and I am so over fish...can't do it anymore...

Oh my sister is pregnant...so I'm good on kids for now
I guess...

But I'm making an appointment to make sure all is good for when I'm ready and to see my options
Don't know why I'm telling you
Drinks make me think...

Dante says, "It's all gravy"

I guess...
I need a break
So random I know
It's crazy weird in here

Dante says, "How?"

It's crazy weird in my head
Thoughts are always jumbled
I go there when I want to be alone
But people try to come in
And I wish they would quit knocking
I'm trying to think

Sounds like a blog
I should write one or two or three
Soon...

No one gets it but it's cool
That's what I should do
Blog
All the random thoughts

No one will get it
It's cool
I'm used to it

Dante says, "You should"

Why is he quiet?
Is he scared?
A lot of people are scared of me
I mean...but I am not even a vampire yet....

Dante says, "Never scared"

He thinks I am crazy
And he is scared
People always scared
But my teeth aren't even sharp yet...

Dante says, "Getting used to how my new phone types"

It's OK if he's scared
Most are
Of me that is

Dante says. "I'm not. No, I don't. Not me"

I'm a little crazy
It's OK
Because I am, you know
If I was in New York, I would be normal

Does he know that I am blogging this text conversation?
I told him I could exclude his name
I mean, I am respectful
At the end of the day...I am a lady

But he says, "I find it sexy"

He crazy just like me

But he says, "Do your thing"

So I did....with or without him...like U2

But he says, "I dig crazy chicks...."

I can't even say what I want right now...so instead...I painted
Like Van Gogh

Romantic Shit He Says...

I don't even know why I'm tripping over you

Because this brotha right here says some romantic shit to me

He says he wants to restore my faith
Restore my hope
He says I don't have to change
He thinks I'm dope

He says he wants to hold me
He says he will make sure everything is alright
He would fly for hours just to spend the night
He says he wants to take me to new heights

He says my man would be severely lucky
But he has to be the right guy

He says "fuck that other man!"
That "he's a bitch and doesn't know what to do with a woman like you"

"You need someone strong and decisive" he says
You're a boy, he says.  You're not ready.

He says, "I'm ready now."
"I can take his place.  I can keep pace"

He says he can love me better
Treat me better
Make me wetter

He says he would kiss me like no other
He doesn't care who sees
He said he'd get on his knees

He says, "Baby, you're a dime.  Perfect in my eyes"
There's no limit to the things he would do for me
If I am lost
He finds me

His love for me is unconditional
Unconventional

He says he would make love to me until I am frantic
He so fucking romantic

I Don't Even Know You Right Now....

So good willed
So good intentioned
Such a wonderful person, friend for so long
So kind...
I was so damn blind

Told you everything
Shared every part of me
Opened you up to a whole new world
Tried to be your girl

Used to count on you
Rely on you
Lean on you

Do you even remember all the crazy shit you said to me
Betrayed me
Shamed me
Laid blame on me

How could you destroy me after all that we been through
I did all you asked
Became who you wanted me to be
Still you weren't happy

In fact you were down right angry
So cold to me before you showed me the door
I don't even know you anymore

And so I retreat
Lamenting over love lost

But you weren't done with me
Now who's desiring to come back to me

Now who's knocking on my door
Begging me for more

I used to want you so bad
Now the table has turn
I am no longer spurned

I grieved for you
Feened for you
Damn near a fool for you

Until my hero stepped in and saved the day
with the romantic shit he say

All over the place

Like a hurricane
That's how I think he was trying to describe me

He came to dance in the calm ocean
For so long he enjoyed the cool water
Until it hit without warning

The hurricane
She
Her
Me

But he was a hurricane chaser
He always knew it was dangerous
But he enjoyed the thrill

I don't think he ever knew what he would do if the hurricane came
Washed everything away
Decimated his world

Sometimes I think it destroyed his life
The hurricane
She
Her
Me

Took everything away that he thought was safe
Left him homeless
Instill in him the greatest fear

For he knew that the hurricane wouldn't last for long
And when it was gone
What would become of him

I wish I could tell him that I am not like a hurricane
I am like water, yes
But here to destroy I am not

Then he would see - he would ovastand
What I truly come to do

But instead he sees me as the perfect storm
Full of drama - so random
All over the place

It's Been A While....

Repost: Nov 15, 2009

 

Current mood:nostalgic

I thought about many things to call this blog...but this title, also the title of my favorite song by Staind....this title seemed fitting.

So...it's been a while.

10 years to be exact. We were kids, chasing each other around the parking lot, sleeping on hard floors, walking along the beach...I smile at the memories as I type this.

So careless and carefree...it was as Alicia called it a teenage love affair. You know, innocent and kind and a lot of fun. No fights, no arguments, no grown up drama....

I often think back to my time with him and think ...if only I would let up and allow myself to feel that I could have that once again but this time - something real and something more adult. If I like it then..imagine what I would love now....

I dissappeared on him. Like I still do. I just vanish from them. Maybe I wished I could have done things differently but somehow I still and always feel that things turn out a certain way for a reason.

Then he found me once but at the time, my mind was cloudy. I was going through some growing pains - feeling like an alien in my own land and trying hard to get to another. I think I might have pushed him away...as if to say "not right now, go away."

It was like...that was then and I'm grown now and doing so many great things and I dont have time to re-live the past with you. I didnt mean to...I was simply caught up...in finding myself. So busy trying to find my future that I was throwing away my past.

But still, 10 years later he finds me again. I am elated at first and want to know everything (in due time of course)...suddenly the feelings surge back up and I start to think...am I ready now?

Only these feelings are suddenly dashed away with the news of how harsh the years had been to him...and I start to think...maybe it would have been different if I was there?

I am saddened to know that he could have been soooo much more....sooo much more. He could still be and yet I feel the urge to keep running - like its too much to bare... all of his hardships that is...but what if I was there?

He could have been great. I dont blame myself but I just think what if...we had been discovering ourselves together...instead of me running away to discover myself alone....

He reminds me...Is he?

Repost: May 27, 2009

 

Current mood:contemplative

I'm chillin'..feelin'

sorta dissapointed....I'm roaming the streets lost in a city I once knew and loved.

But now...I'm feelin' like a stranger in this land - I used to be so inspired and my job back home got me down and I'm wondering if I'm swimming in the right direction.

He grabs my aura....He sees that I'm different - even in a city of freaks I seem to stand out...lookin like I just stepped out of the sixties in the face but my body stuck in the eighties...

But anyway...he grabs my aura pretends that he wants to sell me something...reminds me of the time I tried to pretend to be selling something...

I play like I don't hear him - I'm lost an I'm tryna find my way. He tryna distract me but I gotta find my way...back to luv for this city.

He won't let me go even though I tell him no. Finally he admits the truth and in that moment I see his true beauty - I think he noticed and is relieved.

I'm kinda getting out of something in that very minute....but I accept a midnight date with him anyways...now I find the luv I once had for this city...

I don't hesitate when I run into him again an it is quite decided that I am no longer in my current state.

I stare at his features...his facial hair...his faint dimples...his lips and his eyes...
he probably thinks I'm crazy - it's just that he reminds me....

And he so serious...and I...I laugh. All the time...our distinct differences reminds me...I mean he reminds me...

He trys to tell me what to do and somehow I find it cute like only once before....
I tell him that he does not have to call that I live so far away...he tells me that he will move - he don't care as long as I will have him....

I tell him...we just met and I don't care - "I understand" he says...I fall deepa....

It's just that these last few weeks I have been agonizing over events past...and here he comes reminding me...I mean - Is he?

Must be becuase he still haunts me...

Tells me I'm beautiful, that he misses me before I even leave...that it is official...because he has not felt this way about someone in a long time...and me...I have not felt anything like it either...in a long time...I agonize over it.

It's just that he reminds me...an now he texts me...forget him I say to myself...but I can't walk away...ya see?

It's just that....
He reminds me...I mean, is he...

Letting Go....

Repost: Apr 21, 2009

 

Unfortunately, I could not give this blog a category because it is sort of about love, life and family all rolled up into one...but mostly love.

So, I think all fam knows that I once ran with an angry brotha..."who isn't black and angry in AmeriKKKa....?"

yeah - I know.
But on the real - he was angry and it got the best of us...it got the best of me...well us really

I've had a lot of time away from the situation.
Tried to move on - laughed a little - lost a little.

I find that when the anger and depression of losing my uncle started to melt away that there were some things left in me that I had hoped would die. I wish the feelings were dead.

Stay with me now...and trust that this is real and it is all me - this blog was not inspired by a song, movie or friend. Folks, it is all me.

I find in the aftermath of losing a loved one what really matters...and what is fake. That time is fleeting and love is real.

Love for all things that is....

There is beauty in everything and even after all the hurt and confusion...there was so much beauty in us.

You see, fam...I got a hard time with forgiving and letting go. I always want to never forget so I hold on tight to the resentment and anger of certain things not realizing that I should have been holding on tight to the better memories - choosing to live with anguish instead of joy.

I find it so hard to trust people. I set myself up for their worst behavior so that if they ever act up on me...I would be prepared. I don't get involved so I don't get hurt. I keep everyone at a distance...just in case they let me down so that way when or if they do - I wont even feel it.

So I allowed myself to feel it one time and someone let me down so hard...I think for all this time...I never forgave that person even though all this time I have been longing just to be back in their presence.

So finally, I am not dreaming about my uncle (who bears the same name as the one I speak of at this moment) and now I dream of that person.

I constantly seek him and never can find him.

All I want to say is that I was dwelling over the fact that he let me down and that really deep down I was angry with myself for allowing him in...but today...

today I am letting go and I hope he does too...

See when he came back to me, my phaoroah - my ramses...i could not trust myself in his presence. my heart longed to be near and was glad to have him feel the same but my mind told me to be careful and stay back...so I did

But I let it all go...
And this is what I want him to know.

Da Art of Storytellin'

Repost: Apr 2, 2009

 

9 times out of 10...you can best believe that these blogs are written from personal experience, personal thoughts and beliefs.

On da real - it's all me in a sense. Those who know me could really tell deep down in thier hearts what it's all about with me.

So this blog brings me back to my days as a young women just starting out in the university and my poetry was EVERYTHING to me...not that it is nothing to me now...I just lost my way is all

but back then - it was my life. A poem was written for everything...anything I felt - I wrote it out and if I needed to...I recited that poem to the person that brought on those feelings in me.

So one day, I am sharing my poetry with a good brethren of mine and I know we met under the hyped up pretense of what university life was "supposed" to be about for us african-americans...but i later found this brotha to be real and to be really be a friend of mine.

so I am e-mailing my lastest work to him and I wait for the reply...
He simply states that I must have loved more than once and loved hard...

I corrected him..."naw, my brotha...I neva fell - not even once." I was young back then...or should I say much younger...bout 10 years ago...

But still...I ain't neva been in love....people say to me...oh yes you have stop lying...stop playing like you hard.

I'm a bad liar and i don't play like nothin' - I can only be Erica...

So when I say that I hava neva been in love...you can believe that...I think I would know it if I have...

so he then asked of me...how is it then that you can write like this....like you been there before???

I replied....I just sit back and start imagining and then I just go off into this place and in an instant - I am who I want to be to get what I want to feel on paper.

It's da art of storytellin'

Support Grass Roots Businesses!!!!

Repost: Jan 26, 2009

 

Current mood:focused

This is a must and a demand of my people specifically!
With everything that is going on in Babylon today...Today, I survived yet another round of cuts and layoffs at my job! This time it really hit home because I knew so many of the people affected. Soooo many....
ALL THE MORE REASON WHY WE SHOULD BUILD A COMMUNITY WITHIN OURSELVES!!!!
Come on my people and lets get it together! Now more than ever, I need my business to make it to where I can support a community - MY COMMUNITY!
We need to band together so that when babylon falls.....OUR RASTA NATION LIVES ON!!!!
JAH RASTAFARI - Support INI
HELP INI escape work life in babylon
Shop with grass roots companies -
In these trying times...i have decided to stop playing with the idea of taking SMH to the next level and I have gotten online so that I could support the business worldwide!
Shop SMH online!
www.smhdesigns.etsy.com
Custom pieces are still available - to request of me directly, shoot me a mail at
seelemitherzllc@yahoo.com

Take a pill

Repost: Jan 22, 2009

 

They tried to commit her - lock her up like she was insane
They say that crying isnt normal to deal with the pain
Imagine how you'd feel if your man was blown away
Gone forever never to his face each day
They tried to tell her that she's crazy, yo
take these pills and let them work their magic, yo
Cuz crying all the time isn't normal for a woman who just lost her love...
So in her face all this pyscho-babble we wanna shove...
Throw some drugs her way and tell her to shut up
I watched her break down sobbing, hands shaking as she gripped her coffee cup...
Imagine how you'd feel if your man was blown away
and "take these pills and shut up" was all your people had to say...
Treating you like you done gone mad and lost your mind
Telling you to leave your life with him behind
Crying isn't normal for woman who just lost her king
She should be back to herself after a week tops...and take off that silly ring
Take a pill and dose off with some happy thoughts...think about how much money you can bring in with house you two bought
Take a pill and dose off....
Take a pill and dose off...
Cuz crying all the time isn't normal.

Words don’t come easy....

Repost: Jan 1, 2009

 

Sometimes after the storm...you just don't have anything to say...and it just seems like the hurricane has passed but the rain just won't go away.
The words...they don't come easy these days...I mean I try but for real...y'all I don't have nothing to say.
All I know is that nothing is the same and all I want to do is run away. That's it start running and never look back - Never come back.
I'm not talking change either...I am talking about your whole world crumbling and not knowing what is real anymore....
Nothing is the same and I just cant find the words to say...
Maybe it is supposed to be that way...you know quiet
Or maybe this is it. This is it for me. Maybe my light has dimmed - about to be extinguished...to be lost forever and gone with the wind.
I just don't know....I'm so lost and I have nothing to say...
The words...they just don't come easy these days.

Life...

Repost: Nov 13, 2008

 

Current mood:angry

I know it's gonna be a while until I feel "normal" again or look at things like I used to....
But life has another meaning to me...I mean sure I never took it for granted but seriously
It's all different now. But I know there will come a time when I won't be sitting at home eating dinner and just burst out in tears thinking about him...
There will come a day when I won't wonder what happened or why....
Mostly though.... I am just waiting for the day where I am not angry.
I can't feel the sadness for all the rage inside of me.
Sure life is so very different for me now and everything is so calculated and time is awastin....
Got to get a move on...
Let go. Stand up.
Kill the rage.
Promote peace.
Cope.
Live life.
a new life...

His death changed my life

Repost: Oct 16, 2008

 

I remember our last conversation and even now...I am not 100% sure how to decipher the message.
It was about how much I am a loner. "you stick to yourself" he said. "You like being alone" - he said it like he understood why but I wonder what he really was saying....
"you are just like my other niece, Tia" I think Tia was his favorite. I don't think anyone thought anything bad of it but I think she was his favorite. I always liked her for no reason....we didn't really talk much but we went to the same college and earned the same degree.
I'm glad he compared me to her.
I was rushing to go be by myself when he was speaking to me...I think back on that a lot - about all the times I rushed him off the phone so I can get back to being by myself.
He liked to talk, you know. He called everyday just to shoot the breeze. I'd give anything to shoot the breeze with my uncle Carl now. I took it for granted. He will always call and I can talk to him tomorrow - I thought. I'm busy today. Busy being alone.
We always do that you know...I don't know how many times we say it but Cherish your loved ones and take the time to slow down with them...we always say it but we never feel it.
We don't know what we say...until they are gone.
I'd give anything not to be alone right now and to be talking to my uncle Carl.
It makes it easier to come out of my shell now but now ...
now it also hurts.

Bottles of wine

Repost: Sep 30, 2008

 

I know some people may wonder why I keep these bottles of wine in house...they see them on the shelf in the kitchen or in the pantry....
It's simple you see....they remind me of days when life was carefree...times when I did not worry for much...
they all stem from a trip or two from Germany most likely...
Like the bottle of Chianti I bought in Heidelberg with my dear friend Meredith....I did not even know what it was nor tasted a good Chianti at the time...just listened to Meredith's memories and somehow...they became mine
And then I fell in love with warmth of Gluhwein again with Meredith and bought a specialty bottle....they still sit in my house....reminding me of those days
I thought that I would consume them both once something grand happened to me - like when I finally purchased a home....I bought those bottle so, so very long ago....and still they sit in my house...reminding of those days.
And now my heart full of other convictions...so I no longer enjoy them like I used to...as I learned to while living in Argentina.....
But still I smile when I walk into the kitchen because they remind me of another time....my bottles of wine.

Motivated right now...

Repost: Aug 4, 2008

 

So amazing how The Creator, The Most High inspires such wonderful things and beautiful feelings in one.
Everything I see is filled with so much poetry and I dance in the simplicities...Life....life becomes a miracle right before my eyes and over night.
So amazing how The Creator, The Most High inspires me and now everything I do is laced with the Green ova the Red...
I see my colors and I fill with joy...I hear my people speak and I fall in love
I learned the teachings and the lessons and I am no longer a slave to babylon nor am I shackled by the chains of slavery that hold my ancestors in captivity.
I set them free. Each time I believe, everyday I wear my colors...I set them free.
I watch their souls fly....
So amazing....

I love my people

Repost: Jul 24, 2008

 

Not an expert and still new to the livity...some say I don't give myself enough credit as Rasta and that it mean I am not yet sure what is happening within myself.
They say: "when ya talk, you say you still new to this, but you know what is what and you sound confident to me"
"you say you new but you sound like one to me. ya sound so sure of this path so why doubt yourself in the livity"
I always feel I don't measure up spiritually. No matter what walk, what path...I feel like I am so small and I dont really measure up.
I mean I don't want to be out there coloring my language with the fancy talk, dread my hair, listen to the music, change my name and not mean it.
I want to feel it. an I do! I feel it so strong and the livity makes me a stronger person every day...every second - minute....
Sometimes I just don't feel worthy or like I am an outsider....maybe that is just the loner in me talking but...
perhaps a pilgrimage to enlighten and reason to build me up with confidence in my stance.
Is that what it is? I mean I believe with my heart but I feel like I lack something...
I recognize I cannot do this alone so I learn to reach out to my brethren and sistren....
I even went out to a Rasta Rising...a lecture here in my neighborhood...a lot of us are loving out here...(see I tell ya I was guided in the right direction - I just know it!)
But last night I went out...and I fell in love all over again with the livity.
It's true. It's true. It's my truth.

Can’t let Babylon steal my joy

Repost: Jul 14, 2008

 

Government request of me thousands of dollars for my land. They say they told me and that this should not be a surprise...but it was.
they come and say that I owe them for my land - I do what is right in their eyes to gain a piece of babylon...I follow their rules. I do everything so that they cannot come back and take what Jah had given to me. I did everything. I asked for all explanations over and over.
they say I owe them. I can't let them anger me. I can't let them make me somber or downtrodden. I have to rise above and give it to The Most High. This is not my battle. Although I will fight. I can fight. Without anger and malice...
Although they come for me - with little care or regard for my life. I send them blessings their way. and I ask again....
Do you seek to regain my land, will you help me not?
And though they can say no...I can fight and give my battle to Jah.....

Me, the loner....

Repost: Jul 9, 2008

 

I have always stood off to the side....by myself.
People perceive me as the shy, quiet one becuase of it....so not true.
I just stick to myself. I can't grow like that. I know it - I feel it.
Especially if I want to grow as a certain person in life...I must surround myself with the people who live the life I want to live. People who show such good example of what being a good person and good warrior is supposed to look like...I can't do this if I stay held up in my house alone.
If I retreat from the world...keep myself to myself.
I am such a loner. I ran with this angry brotha once...I told you all about that a few times....I felt for this brotha so and I really connected with him. Together so much. All the time.
I so much hated the fact that he was a loner. He stuck to himself all the time. It irked me so. Yet we were crazy about one another....we both spend so much time with ourselves that I now realize it is not not unusual that we spent almost every single day up in each other's face.
Two loners...kindred spirits. We always felt alone and accepted it. We felt we could trust no one....no wonder we felt so hard,so fast...so real...so short.
Maybe we grew tired of each other finally...we grew tired of ourselves. That's what it boils down to...the effects of being alone...the will to be alone...it's a choice.
The wrong one...we must fraternize with our brethren and sistren.
I can't stand off to the side any longer. I must come out into the sun...along with the others.

Alles Für Jah

Repost: Jul 9, 2008

 

Current mood:enlightened

Sometimes I have to remind myself...cuz you know I get caught up in life and I have to remember - The Most High gave - The Most High Created
And therefore I am.
So everything I do - everything for Jah
I write to get the message out and I must incorporte into my style and art....and the man I choose...or should I say he who chooses me...Him not a mon if him not a Rasta mon!
Everything I do and I do it proudly - everything for Jah
Near and far - my life, my talents - everything I owe it all to Jah
I must do everything....til shilo...I must do everything für den herrn..mi creador
I gotta remember that I am warrior princess in the army of righteousness - this gives me not the right to judge nor to criticize but to love.....
Does not mean I become a prude or extenguish my fyah being the liberal wombman I am....
Let it burn bright for Jah....always my fire lead the way for me in darkness and burns the memory of my purpose , my mission here in babylon
Everything I do....every single thing

One little mistake....

Repost: May 27, 2008

 

Current mood:nostalgic

I once met this brother...in my younger days...
I would say I was about 19 or 20...
I met him in the summer on the Southeastern coastline...ya'll know how much I love the water...Never been to this town before and I was there visting family....
He as so friendly to me for no reason and we had such a lovely time...everyone was busy dancing and all I wanted to do was see the ocean at night..."but there's nothing there" he reasoned....
Still he took me anyway...just loaded up the pathfinder....he drove a pathfinder...with Ghostface playing in the back
He was such a gentleman.
We kept in touch. friendly e-mails here and there....a phone call or two....
Then the next year....I returned. Wherever he went, I followed. There was trouble in the air...."come with me" he offered..."only if you want to...I know you have family here and all but you are welcomed to share my space if you are uncomfortable here..."
With him I went...I followed him...ha ha ha
That summer we shared the same room and Jah fed us. He took care of me and gave me pleasant surprises - walks along the beach...kisses outside the movie theater...
I went home...we stayed in touch....
Then it happened...he made one mistake.
One mistake - begging for my forgiveness - pleaded for my love
And I ....I could not give it. one mistake and I was done and
wanted to give up all that we made - all that we had done....due to this one mistake.
He soon forgot about me and I soon began to travel the world....a year or two later...
I heard from him.
He e-mailed to let me know how he was doing and wanted to know what I was up to...what had become of me - the one that got away...
And still...after a year or two...I still had not forgotten...the one mistake...and politely I let him know that I was doing wonderful...so wonderful...so wonderful...so good...so good....
so good so wonderful without him- without our bond on the coastline.....
I still had not forgotten...I still had not forgiven...

Judge Not!

Repost: May 20, 2008

 

I have come to notice a certain trait especially among the faithful and spiritual....
I understand everyone's luv for our GOD - whatever you call GOD...I understand the luv and faith in the higher being and our Creator.
What I don't understand is how we tend to judge each other and criticize each other on what we are doing in our lives. I hope that in writing my blogs that I show another point of view and allow others to see the world according to erica...rather than point fingers and cut others down with my opinions and my truths.
I share my views on diet and Jah to inspire others - NOT TO PASS JUDGMENT. I can't stand when others pass judgment. We are not here to judge each other. Help your brethren and sistren but do not look down upon them. I have nothing against those eat meat - those who don't believe in GOD. I luv everyone just the same - inspite of flaws and because of perfections...
Sometimes I listen to my brethren and sistren criticize others for the way people dress, wear their hair or eat....
It's not right - Only Jah can judge and judge He will...when times comes...
Seriously though....I don't that my sister will go to Hell for perming her hair or that my mother is damned for eating meat....
True I try to convince them to eat a more vegetable and plant rich diet....more so though for their health and becuaseI care about them...I see the good switching my diet has done so I want to share the wealth - NOT TEAR THEM DOWN!
It's not our place to judge.
But it is our place to love...EVERYTHING WE DO...WE SHOULD DO IT IN LOVE.
Stop complaining...stop stressing each other out...stop and realize how your actions affect others...you know not where your brethren come...or the path they trod.
SHOW THEM ANOTHER WAY....NOT WHAT YOU THINK IS THE RIGHT WAY...
My path should is not your path and you path is not mine. We are all in the same gang and it's high time we start acting like it. Show compassion for one another and not contempt and disdain.
Judge not. Luv a lot.
Peace.

Business Burns

Repost: May 17, 2008

 

seele mit herz, LLC has only been in existance for 2.5 year officially under government. However, I had been doing this since I was about 12 selling my clothes and other crafts to friends at school and in the arts community.
In the seele mit herz designs portion of my business I still have a lot to learn if I want this business to grow professionally and under government....
I sometimes find myself getting burned and each client bring me to other things I need to do to protect myself. For example, I was referred to a sistah who was in need of an evening gown.
Her first offense was being slow about the project as a whole and finally getting with me just a few weeks before she needed the gown. I still decided to do the gown. (my first offense). Her second offense was being flaky about showing up for fittings. Although she bought the fabric and materials on her own and showed up to the fabric store to get consultant (she was late making it to the store as well...should we count that as her third offense?), I still put in my hard work and efforts and hours into making a beautiful gown for her.
Time is money people....
So she comes for her fitting only to tell me that she no longer needs the gown but she intends on paying me anyway...
I never heard from her again.
Now I am stuck with a gown...not an easy sale and I lost money in all the hard work I put into her gown.
I am in the process of implementing work contracts for my clients. A percentage of the deposit is non-refundable. I cannot come out of my pocket for your materials, people. I must protect myself. If you do not come back to get your garments after a certain amount of time, they would become my property to sell and no, you do not get your deposit back.
I aim for cusotmer satisfaction and so far all my clients love my work and I strive to please but please don't take my kindness and willingness to please for granted and don't use me. I am a human being. My time is precious and I am working day and night to do this.
I feel the need to write a series of these things after dealing with that one sistah and hearing from another sistah that she was not prepared to pay my fees for a custom made gown that she too needed in short notice...
Sometimes, I feel like customers just don't understand....
Even if I was not working another full time job...try to understand what we have to go through and all the things that go into making a garment just for you...the least you can do is not complain about prices and COME GET YOUR GARMENTS!
I'm done...I don't need to keep going over this...

Drained...

Repost: May 15, 2008

 

These days...I feel like the energy has been suck out of me...
Draining slowly - like I have been left to die in the sun...
So tired I am....all the time all I feel is fatigue
Maybe all of this is getting the best of me
Working 9 to 5 so far away from home then...
making my way home just to crochet and sew all night...
All I want to do is please everyone and
I am sooooo tired.
I am just tired.

My explosion

Repost: May 7, 2008

 

I am like water so you all know...and for those who don't check in quite often...
This is to remind you that i am like water.
i go with the flow, very laid back and easy going....
so if I get angry or disappointed then no one ever knows...till I let it build and build and build up like an African village...and then
well then folks....
I explode.
I exploded today. I let another human being know what is like for Erica to act human and feel emotions. That's right I cried. Full of frustration and heartache of my own land that treats me like a stranger.
Maybe that is the reason I travel the globe so....
to feel at home.
To get rid of feeling like a gypsy - although this is the one characteristic I feel proud of - living like a gypsy
I wear this label like a tattoo.
but seriously...I exploded becuase I expect this from non blacks and especially non women...but NEVER from a BLACK MAN!
when I was kicked while I was down by my brother...then by another brother of mine...I thought I could handle it
I thought I was strong and eveyone else thinks I am strong
But today...I came home
and I exploded.
So much to the point that I had to call another sistah that would only comfort me and calm me down and let me vent all the rage that I have been feeling this entire year....
YES! the entire year...when you are mad...and then when you find out then you have been mad for an entire year...
let me tell you that it is a devastating thing.
Why do I feel like such a stranger in this land of mine?
Of Mine? Is it not mine?! Was I not born here?
I dont think you all in myspaceland ovastand or feel what I feel right now....
I went to school. i am paying my loans...I obtain the American Dream and still I get treated like a second rate citizen and I am tired I tell you! I am so tired of going through this sort of thing and maybe i searched for my belonging in all the other countries but IS THERE NOT A PLACE ON THIS EARTH WHERE I CAN BE FREE?!
Where I can be equal to men and other women - even those that are not black like me?
I can't let this break me and I must trod on....
I must...
without breaking down again...without exploding.

Why seele mit herz?

Repost: Apr 3, 2008

 

Current mood:blissful

So many have asked, why seele mit herz?

Why would I pick a german name for my company being an American?
The story itself is soul inspiring and I knew that the name would have to mean something entirely personal for me as my designs, writings and artwork are personal to me.
So, why German? German was my first foreign language before I lived in those Latin American countries and became fluent in Spanish. German was home first. While living outside of the country, I encountered many young Germans who introduced me to their culture and music...specifically the music of Mr. Xavier Naidoo.
Once the German began to come back to me...I started realizing what Mr. Naidoo was singing about and believe me this brotha is very deep. He made me think about my faith and spirituality. Then I visited Germany for the first time and even checked the man out for myself at a concert in Mannheim.
I fell in love with Germany, the people and its immigrants. I ran into an African festival and met some encouraging African brothas and sistas...
Found some truths and changed my life....
I still go back when I can...I even hope that one day I may live there for some time.
So, why seele mit herz designs? Becuase that is what I put into my work...
My soul...and heart.
"Make sure your style says that you have soul and heart"

My Business and Service Style

Repost: Mar 20, 2008

 

I am pleased that you have chosen to have me create a custom garment. This is a unique service and I would like to take this opportunity to share my procedures and style of service with you.

Turnaround Time

It takes approximately six to eight weeks from initial consultation to delivery of your completed garment. Unforeseen complications in design changes, fittings, the search of "just the right fabric and findings," and family needs may affect the delivery date. Long-time clients will have a shorter turn around time as fewer decisions need to be made on each project. Rushing in the planning stages can lead to poor choices. Each client is important to me and receives every consideration that I can give.

Fitting Appointments

Please be on time for all appointments (or call), wear suitable lingerie and either wear or bring the correct shoes. Due to the importance of proper foundations in fitting, I will not fit you without them. An additional $20 fitting fee will be charged and a new session scheduled.

I will notify you if it becomes necessary to change an appointment, and it would please me if you would do the same. Call or leave a message on my answering machine.

Fees

My price sheet explains set fees for specific garments. Other fees will be estimated. Prices include consultations, phone calls, design planning and changes, fabric preparation, precutting the paper pattern, cutting out garment, sewing, fitting, pressing, and final delivery/billing. Garments require a %50 deposit and full payment upon delivery.

Patterns

I have accumulated an extensive collection of fine patterns in a range of sizes from which you may select, or you may purchase your own pattern. Although the final choice will be yours, selecting the right pattern and fabric to create the desired effect is the very essence of my role in consulting on each project.

Fabrics

An investment wardrobe deserves to be constructed of the best fabric you can afford. Natural fibers will be your best in fabric choices. Your job will be to purchase the ultimate choice and mine is to pretreat the fabric and purchase the necessary findings (findings are added to the price of the custom project).

A lot of thought and consideration goes into each new client’s project. Since I specialize in investment clothing, the garments we create should work in your wardrobe for many years. I will become acquainted with each of you, getting to know your lifestyle and clothing needs. This enables me to better guide you.

I look forward to working with you.

Respectfully,

Erica Skrine

seele mit herz designs

A division of seele mit herz, LLC

I’m in Hail....

Repost: Mar 15, 2008

 

Last night I was sitting here in front of my CPU...Instant messaging my mommy and my middle sister...
Right when the hail storm hits my house...it was scary, yo...
I thought to myself..."these are brand new windows...my insurance has got to cover this.." Then as the storm grew I was just concerned about my safety so I scrambled around thinking to myself what is the proper tornado procedure, shit, I don’t know!
I ran downstairs and cowered in the hallway away from the windows....
It stopped.
The next morning it seemed as if it was going to be a lovely day...all week long I had been sick. Feverish sick and seriously on the brink of something wicked...
I was happy to get out with my family for a little shopping and my first meal since being ill...
My sister asks me to drive her car because she is new at driving and it is starting to rain....I run out to the car.
We are halfway to my house when golf balls made of ice starts pounding the car. The lyun cub in the back knows something is wrong and he is clawing his way out of his car seat...
I can’t see...for sure the glass is going to break. I stop in the middle of the street along with the rest of humanity...
We can’t stay here my sister screams...
I dont know what to do I yell back.
We start crying. The little lyun cub is in survival mode trying to claw out still.
I quickly turn left into an old abandoned restuarant. I run up on the sidwalk under the rooftop to at least get half the car under shelter.
I am crying harder. My phone rings...my mommy wants to know where we are. I see that she turned off at the store right next to me.
We are in hail.
slowly it stops....I am afraid to get out...slowly
slowly
slowly
Ok it’s safe. We race back to my house only to find it dark and barren without heat - without power.
We wait...the sun comes out. my sister is still scared
We were in hail.

I wonder do he know....

Repost: Mar 15, 2008

 

How do you feel...right in that moment of discovery?
No, not when you discover...lol but rather when you have been discovered...
For those who have been following the story of me...I wanna laugh as I write - excuse me...type this. In one of those "oh yeah I remember that..."school girl giggles of mine...the ones where I blush because I can’t lie and I don’t like to speak of my feelings....lol
So I know everyone remembers me speaking of this spirit and I saw the spirit in two beings at once and I was kind of bombarded by this spirit especially last November...
I decided to let one of those bodies drift away fondly...sometimes it is time to say goodbye in a good way...
So one body with this spirit lingers on....and uh many times I wonder if spirit knows of these blogs of mine...I think it "discovers" me at many times....
The first I was discovered...contestant number one left a breif comment on one blog - ironically enough the blog was about him - but I don’t think he ovastood...I thought...
"oh snap! He actually reads these words of mine...He actually cares?!" Sometimes his fire can be so wrapped up in himself...he forgot I was there...
So the second body lingered on....
Second discovery...I reacted..."well of course I have a page where I write and all"...
I thought to myself...I wonder if he read it all - would he ovastand...Should I invite mi lyun in?
I held off on the invitation...shy again to expose my bare soul and yet leaving all my words here...free for the public to see...I would never go ghost (make my page private)
I want the whole world to know how I feel about everything...
politics, food, family, friends, work...JAH
and of course him...
I wonder does he know....does he read these words of mine and most importantly ...
Does he ovastand me?

Proper Artistic Etiquette

Repost: Mar 8, 2008

 

I want to elaborate on recent events and I try not to make this a habit of mine to blast someone or call people out on myspace (posting of the offender's page)...
It takes a lot to anger me. I am typical a person with a water personality. This person did more than just anger me. I was utterly and deeply offended.
This unsavory character sought me out over a year ago and immediately came at me like he was so in awe with my work. I visited his art gallery in Castleberry hill district during the Art Walk event they had in January. I liked his work and I was even lending a very unjudgemental eye to his "private collection" which he housed in his bedroom....see he thought my friend and I did not pick up on this...but still I gave the benefit of the doubt.
He seemed to be unusually taken with me even though I reminded him of his daughter is about my age might I add....
He insisted that I take off my pieces of artwork - the very artwork he was so interested in...the same artwork he asked me to bring back to his gallery so that he could photographed it...I am cool with networking with other artists...but something about this man did not sit well with me so at the last minute...I declined.
His reply back to me was my first evidence that he was a dark person...he was dissapointed and he was even looking right for me...
Still I said...some other time maybe and let it at that....
3 whole months go by and this man is still not directly saying to me what he wants to...and this is pissing me off by now because he makes such a big deal about being the kind of artist that is free and says whatever he feels. He so liberated he says...
So if he so fucking liberated...why does it takes him 3 whole months to finely say that he only wants to get me naked in his gallery alone so that he can take pictures of me in his bath tub with candlelight and wax and honey...oh yeah fam, this brother was that detailed!
He went on and on about how he been watching my pictures and that I was sensual and he loved the color of my lips...
Sensual?!...I am like what pictures are you looking at and at the time I am beating myself up for the beach photo - which I feel is more artistic than anything...
he picks out the picture of me in my jumper...fully clothes...very innocent - only this man can give a damn about my work - my business, my drawings, my writings...
Y'all he don't give a damn about none of that...he just wants to see my ass.
Even when I should have said something about it when he approached me about the nude photos he wanted me to take...I did not - I even posed back to him the original offer to do something else.
When I did that...he accused me of not truly being an artist. He says that when I stop limiting myself and decide to explore the unknown with him...that he will still be there waiting.
And that kind of attitude is exactly why I do not feel any remorse for exposing Pierre.
I will do it all day long.

Beware of these devils posing as truth...

Repost: Mar 6, 2008

 

Current mood:aggravated

You know when I come across someone or something that i feel is wrong or detrimental to my people...I gotta expose them. I have to. Don't be mad at me if I expose you and put you out there...
So about a year or so ago, I was contacted by a "fellow artist" on myspace and he wanted to work with me once he opened up his gallery here in Atlanta. I was cool with that as I am always down for networking. I did nt know what exactly he wanted to work with, my clothes, my writing or my drawings...I was hoping my drawings as I am not sure what I am going to do with them just yet...
So finally he gets here...and he invites me down to his gallery in Castleberry Hill district....during the artwalk. I invited a friend with me...he showed us his work - EVEN HIS PRIVATE COLLECTION....
Now I must admit that it is racy and different...different types of nudity photographs...I was not really offended.
We talk a bit and he is bothered by the fact that I wont take off my hat (i made it) or my scarf (i made that too)...I snap at him. He apologizes. Then he offers to take pictures of my clothes...
I was not sure about this guy...I was getting a very funny vibe from him... I accepted...knowing that I was not going to show up...He e-mails me on myspace...I let him know that I was not going to make it....
This is where this old man lost his mind....Did i mention he is old enough to be my father?!
So he tells me that he is disappointed because he was looking right for me....
I dont respond.
He e-mails me later to say that he apologize if he offended me...I thought myabe he is just a little eccentric and I am taking it the wrong way....
I say...don't worry about it...it's cool. I am busy.
He then tells me I am sensual and he wants to bring the sensuality out of me...becuase he finds me to be a challenge and he LOVES being challenged...then he tells me that he loves the color of my lips in my photos...if I am wearing lipstick to please bring it...he has an idea of taking a nude photo of me in a rice bath with candle wax and all.....
I decline politely thinking ok yeah this guy is a pervert for real.....
He responds and this is where I get pisssed...he accuses me of truly being the kind of girl to do this sort of thing but that I am maybe holding back on him...and if I was truly an artist i would not be so afraid to do this and he has a feeling I will change my mind so he will be waiting on me....
He says he sees right through me...HA!
No, darling I see right through you...wouldn't you know that the only way he wants to "work" with me is only if I pose nude...but I am the closed minded one...i am the one "posing" as an artist...BECUASE I WONT LET HIM TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF?!
HA! People I gotta warn my family...it's only right....
here is the site of the pervert preying on the righteous artists...
http://www.myspace.com/taketwogallery

Respect and invest in my shit

Repost: Feb 20, 2008

 

Current mood:angry

Ok so the title may be a little unprofessional...off-putting.

It gets the point across.

I just have this one thing to say....that this is not a joke or a game - this is my dream, my hard work, my life, my purpose.

My art is me.

Not only is it rude and presumptuous, but it is also offensive that my friends would expect me to spend long hard hours on hand made clothing and just give it away to them for free. You invest in Calvin Klein, Tommy, Ralph Lauren and Donna Karan, etc.

Yet you feel that you should not pay me for my work.

I have a living to make just like you do. I don't care if you and I have been friends since high school or that we pledged the same damn sorority. (Im mad I even did that Sorority shit)

Point is...there is no buddy discount, and my work is not free.

Don't insult me
Don't act like this shit ain't quality.

This is a small business...an around the way girl trying to make it in this world
yet you have no qualms in contributing to making an already established designer even richer than he or she is.

I touch every piece I sell! This is a one woman show!
Respect and invest in my shit! Especially if we so down, so cool, so friendly.

Prices are not posted in vain - business style is not posted in vain.

Do your homework and realize that I am undercharging as it is really....

Get it now before I raise the prices just thinking about this shit.

Poetry of my Youth ( A collection)

Repost: Feb 20, 2008

 

Coming soon....A collection of poetry written in my youth.

I know that I have not been in my house that long...but I stumbled upon the closet in my office the works I wrote in my youth and there is quite bit to keep hidden in a closet. I have to self publish - that's right...self publish...lol

So I remember those days of high school and jr high and me being the odd individual I am ...quiet at first but once you get to know me...you find that I am clearly bonkers and from another planet.

This is all the ingredients of being a target and being bullied. I was bullied and I think I handled it like a rally...lol
also with peaceful demonstration...lol
Those who went to high school or jr high school may or may not know that I was troubled...

So anyways ...I remember that these two guys in high school used to make fun of me...bully me in high school because I was different...I was weird - best friends with a genius who was intrigued by my strangeness and that fact that I had the "balls" dare I say it...yeah I think I sometimes possess manlike qualities...lol but I had the balls to wear what I wore...

I am into fashion baby! and I was unconventional. I knew when I was 10 that I wanted to be a fashion designer... I was sketching at 10! I was sewing at 12! I was selling my crafts in jr high school.
I have been an entrepreneur since I was wee little girl - even if I forgot who I was for a moment....

Collections of my work as a youth coming soon. It will force us to look at our youth and ovastand and remember what it was like to be in their shoes.

collection coming soon and just so you all know what you are in for before you take a look...before you would want to purchase...samples will be given as well. lol

What can I say...been an entrepreneur since I was a wee little girl.

I’ve been gone since November...

Repost: Feb 19, 2008

 

Current mood:blissful

It's true...I've been MIA since November...

From the moment I heard the sound of beauty, the sound of luv
I've been gone.

I thought I was in heaven
There seems to be beauty all around me

Clouds beneath my feet
A soft rain of white rose petals

Music all around me

I had forseen all of this in 2006...Summer was ending
but ya spirit was once again entering

I recognized the royalty when I seen it
It was quite powerful - so I felt I was not yet ready for the responsibility

But ever so persistent as always
The spirit lingered and hung around like a mist in air

Waiting for me to see the truth
Waiting for me to grow

It was a beautiful growing period - wonderful adolescence
And now as a woman - a true real woman

I see...
I see truth and it's blue...the light blue like you said...lol
The shade of blue that you'd like to see me in...lol

i see truth - and I have been living in it...dancing in it
gone since November

I feel....

Repost: Feb 10, 2008

 

Current mood:good

I feel accomplished

enlightened

intelligent

beautiful

whole

organic

focused

motivated

I feel like the world lies before me
like i am a warrior queen in Jah's army

Yeah like Nefertari, Nubian queen of ancient lands
I hold royal power in these hands

My mind is sharp, precise and clear
yo, I only let the holy near

Divine i shine in my spirituality
modest and yet bold in my femininity

Free to be me
Let the whole world see

I feel free...

I feel free...

Clarity has set in....

Repost: Feb 9, 2008

 

no metaphors here fam....

I wanna give it straight so that i am not misunderstood because see unlike one of these brothas...one of these spirits coming at me

I can clear and precise about how I feel right now and what I wanna say to the whole world.

It's not a matter of choosing between the two anymore. I do feel this spirit all around me. I welcome it because Jah brings it for a reason and I trust Jah...above all else - I trust Jah

and this spirit - this spirit ...I told ya'll its crazy because my mother has that same spirit.
Her fire spawned my air...and here I am running into this fire manifested in men and I am drawn to it.

With that I want to say that I see a little more clearly now...
And sometimes people tell you they luv you and you feel they do
But in the end it is not enough and it hurts sometimes because you feel what they say and you don't have the heart to walk away - but you know and feel in your heart that you must.

I luv this spirit and the second time it come round...I feel like this spirit is stronger and magnified to the enth degree...yeah i just made up that word but hopefully you all can feel me on that - no number can explain it - it's like the enth degree.

It's advanced, decisive and beautiful.

This is not about choosing or making a choice but it is about leaving something in the past behind once and for all and finally feeling like I can be in its presence and not feel what once was...

I will be your friend ALWAYS. Luv ya on a different level but your spirit has come round again and I would like the chance to discover something new and see what this could be.

Jah has spoken and I must listen. You were here to teach me something...and now that I have learned...it's simply time to graduate and grow up.

The queen has risen to that next level and she ready to be discover by a king that is too...on her level.

You two...ya killing me....

Repost: Feb 3, 2008

 

Current mood:confused

I'm not sure how I am supposed to feel
I'm not sure who you both are...

You two, got me going like I am on a ferris wheel
And it's like I know that at any moment...

You both will offer me the chance to get off

The only thing is...you are both going to let me decide when and where.

It's not the timing that I am so afraid of but more so the "where"

I don't know...I just don't know...where to go
Spinning round n round in circles on this ferris wheel
And you two stay on my mind all the time - but I just don't know
Where am I going? Who are you two?!

Can't you see...can't you two see how you two are killing me?
You both got a hold of me

I don't know where to go but I soon feel you both will force me to make that choice...
neither of say a thing about the other...just spend your time with me
Silently vying for my affection - secretly persuading me to be your long luv

I try to avoid and ignore the passion in the air and push the both of you away
Afraid of what I feel could really mean for us two...us three?
I don't know if i can do this with you two....

You two ...ya killing me
And I don't know if we should be
I don't know where to go

One of you...one of you say you luv me

and well...secretly - secretly I luv you too

and the other...you say you need me...and well I need you too...
So what do I do and which will it be?
which will it be?

Let me explain...

Repost: Jan 27, 2008

 

Current mood:focused

I want to clarify without giving away his true identity or giving away too much information...

This person or person(s) i have been writing about here in my blogs for so long....
It's not really this person but rather this spirit and I first came in contact with this spirit a few years back.

I really thought it was breathtaking but that was it...I wanted to go along on my way - ALONE.

I tried to escape but this spirit had a hold on me...it would not let me be.
So soon I gave in - it was so exhilarating at first. Like a whirlwind...
but then I felt as if maybe there was more out there and perhaps I was falling too deep into this black hole...I did not want to lose control or my existence

I was enjoying it - really I was. I was into him and wanted to continue on with him....but it was just then that I realized...I was into him...

Quickly I had to get out of it. I had to run. I mean after all, I was not supposed to be with him I mean he was not tall enough, dark enough, natural enough...I could find every excuse. And I did.

I found every excuse and I ran. Skip out on him.

Never really allowed him to stay away forever. " I can't leave you alone" he said
"I knew you different the moment I saw you" he said....

"I gotta escape this dream" I thought....

And now he comes back in a different body and his spirit has evolved....it only makes me miss the old days...
Talking about religion, watching football, hanging with his friends, listening to his music, talking about our dreams....making our own dreams...

His spirit came back to me and its harder than ever to turn away....

Let me explain that he is very important to me - unfortunately, I am just too afraid to allow him to come any closer than he already has...

So I write for him.

If he reads this...then maybe...maybe he could just once know and ovastand how I feel.

Karma

Repost: Jan 20, 2008

 

Current mood:enlightened

What one puts out there into the universe...
shall return with much more fury than the energy one exerted in the first place.

If one should spew hatred...one shall receive great hatred.

I encountered another being in my place of work an in this time my division was under much stress and pressure.
being that I was fairly new and the other was new to the division...I thought that...
"well, we both know little...but I am sure that if I put little with their little...
we could surely achieve great things in this time of strife."

So there i stayed far from home into the wee hours of the night, assisting my comrade in completing their tasks.

"I must repay you" They told me.
but i don't do ANYTHING with the hopes of receiving something in return.
it's just not how I operate.

"No need to do that" I replied "We need to get this out and I felt that I needed to help in any way that I could - so I did. I need no payment"

But, they insisted and insisted and I hoped that one day they would forget....

After the New year holidays, I returned to work only to find a simple envelope at my desk.

The message was simple..."I said I would repay you to show my appreciation for your thoughtfulness and I know that you know I would forget. Please accept this as a gift from me"

I wanted to refuse it. Not to be rude but only because I needed no reward.
Helping our brethren and sistren deserves no rewards in my eyes.
It's only right.

It's only right.

It was more than enough appreciation for the little I had done.

What one puts out there into the universe...
shall return with much more fury than the energy one exerted in the first place.

You inspire me....

Repost: Jan 9, 2008

 

Current mood:content

I told myself that I would not say this again...
That I would not say that I would neva write anotha blog about you.

And I won't say that...because you inspires me like Raheem D...

Honestly, I don't know what you want from me and I am not sure you know this
All I know is that you are always there an you won't go away

I ask you why you stay...

You knew the moment you met me, you say
You don't know why you can't stay away, you say
We have this connection, you say
It's crazy, you say

It's cosmic I say.

I truly adore ya spirit....ahhhhh ya spirit....back to this subject

ya spirit...it follows me yo...
I try to run from it but - ya spirit...it follows me

I let you go in 2005.
but you haunted me in my dreams in 2006.

I feel when something is wrong in your life.
I know when things are not right in your life.
I know that you want me - in your life.

I wanted involvement in all ya do
I swear this spirit is soooo crazy!
Man, I swear I see my mama in you!

you posess the same spirit as my mother
The one to give me life
you posses the same spirit as my mother
My mother ...
my mother gave me life

When others tear me down...you always come round...
whether in dreams or reality...

so here you are again in my life - somewhere out there in the mystics...
we talk quite a bit these days but really, is this really you?

Am I confusing you for another human being?
Damn I think I am stuck somewhere between The Bronx and Queens

Like I said luv, you inspire me -
you are my "luv connection 1" my "prodigal son" the one who "don't even know me"
It was you who "put this voodoo on me"
It was you that I was thinking of on NYE, and yeah I sometimes feel "ya don't see"

All these things about you are true and I too know not what we are to be to each other but I feel happy just to know you and to learn from you.

95% of my romantic blogs are written for you

You inspire me.

Growing Pains....

Repost: Jan 9, 2008

 

Current mood:happy

Feels like going through adolescence again
Ya feel good because you think you are growing up and you waited so long for this...

Then there are times you feel confused and enraged and sorrow...

But in the end, ya mind, heart and soul comes out as this beautiful piece of work
Jah put me thru the fire and I come out like that beautiful yet fragile jar of clay...

Put through the fire, the pain
But I emerge like a black buddafly

But yet, like a jar of clay - I can be fragile and demons and screwface himself will ponce upon me to tear me down - rip me ta pieces.

but I have been through the fire
survived a fire so tear away all ya demons...tear at me all ya wan....

This time away from friends, from my loved one, is survival.

I can do this..I am a strong black woman and those who know me...know this
Those who know me - welcome the change- the meditation - the knowledge I gained.

My hibernation may be over but growing I will neva stop...
Jah keep taking me higher...cuz I feel free....
I FEEL FREE

People, ain't nothin like bein free.

Im free!

Ya don’t see...

Repost: Jan 3, 2008

 

Current mood:contemplative

Sometimes I sit and I think of you...hoping that you too are thinking of me
Hoping you see what I see

I gotta say, " ya a hell of a guy"
apple of my eye
Somewhere between my fantasies and sighs

First person for me to connect with on such a deep plane

We connect, we connect, we connect

Do ya even ovastand how lucky we are just for that?
I wan ya to ovastand how much you mean to me...
but is it all in vain?

The dualities of ya personalities - I don't even know who it is I am talking to....
Is it you? Or you?
Really, is it you?

Do ya ovastand what a union like ours could mean for the world?!
I'm air - You are the fire.
Therefore I ...I feed you

I could dance around you floating ona breeze as you grow and grow with flames so wild and free

But sometimes I wonder if ya really ovastand...do ya feel me?

Ya don't see how great and powerful a union like ours could be...
ya are afraid of me...that I might blow too hard on ya flames?
Extinguish your light...

Neva would I erase you from this earth my luv
I just don't know who ya are...your tru identity
Which one of you is for me?

Here’s to the new year...and you

Repost: Dec 31, 2007

 

Current mood:amorous

So here we are fam, one more year and we are here again...Thanks Jah.

I think back to last year and how upset I was today with my significant other...and he just did not get it.
I also think back to how year after year, another significant other is always there....never ring in the new year with him and yet...there he was as faithful as he wanna be.

So here we are again...another year and I feel brand new....
So I find someone that I really enjoy and really want to share something with...and I find it hard.

That's right, I find it hard to just even call and I bet - yo, I bet... he ain't even checking for me

Does that mean that I am far from his mind....well I don't think so
but maybe he sitting in front of his computer typing and thinking the same shit I'm thinking right now....

I knew it might happen.
I knew it the first time we spoke that this was a possibility so I tried to stay away and push him away because well...maybe I was just not ready for all that...
But now grown in my conviction

I am thinking, what I would not give to be in front the fireplace chillin on a night like tonight.

No party, no loud music, no party food and no booze
Just chillin, havin a good time with a king, a real king yall

but uh...I betcha...he aint even checkin fo me.

But the night is still young and I really wonder if he reads these blogs of mine sometimes but if he is....
If ya out there king....
Here's to the new year....and you.

Another mode of justification of Vegetarianism....

Repost: Dec 29, 2007

 

Justification 1: You Don't Need Milk to Stay Healthy

A big misconception about vegetarianism is that a vegetarian doesn't get enough calcium. This myth is readily applied to vegetarians but is a fallacy. It is probable that this thought is directed more towards vegans than vegetarians (vegans do not eat dairy products while some types of vegetarians do). The truth is, however, that while milk and other dairy products may be high in calcium, they are not the only food substances that contain it. Some of the best sources of protein are dark green, leafy vegetables. In addition, vegetarians are at an advantage because their bodies assimilate the calcium ingested a lot more easily during digestion. In fact, vegetarians are less prone to osteoporosis than meat-eaters. If the lack of calcium is the only thing stopping you from becoming a vegetarian, then move on over to greener pastures! There are many vegetarian entrees and snacks that contain calcium, here are a few calcium-rich, meat-free possibilities: White/Wholemeal bread, Taco Shells, Oats Soyabeans, Tofu, Almonds, Brazil Nuts, Pistachios, Sunflower Seeds Sesame Seeds, Flax Seed, Carob Turnip Greens, Watercress, Broccoli, Carrots, Cabbage, Garlic, Parsley Spirulina, Chives, Seaweed, Cauliflower, Okra, Cassava Figs, Papaya, Rhubarb, Molasses

Justification 2: Eating a Healthy Vegetarian Diet Can Prevent Impotence

Real men are vegetarians! OK, maybe not all real men are vegetarians but one of the biggest benefits of a vegetarian diet for men is that it can help fight impotence. Believe it or not, it was been proven that a diet with a meat base that is high in fat can curb a man's sexual appetite. Fatty foods like chicken fingers and bacon cheeseburgers cause a higher body fat level which lessens testosterone levels--this can increase the chances of impotence. The reason? Lots of fat can clog the arteries, including arteries that pump blood to the penis. Arterial blockages are a major contributer to impotence problems today. So, fellas, next time you're cruising through that fast food drive-through, pass on the cheeseburger and opt for a salad or yogurt parfait instead.

Justification 3: Poison in Meat?
Did you know that poultry producers and pig farmers routinely use arsenic as a growth stimulant for the animals? Strangely enough, federal law permits the usage of arsenic in commercial animal raising. The trick is that the government stipulates that commercial livestock farmers must stop adding arsenic to the animal feed at least 5 days before the slaughter so that arsenic residue levels will reach a legal level that is approved by the FDA (.55 parts per million). The truth is, however, that several studies indicate that many livestock farmers do not adhere to these regulations. In fact, the USDA estimates that about 16% of the nation's poultry supply contains levels of arsenic that are above the legal limit. Do your body a favor and skip those meat meals; treat your body to vegetarian entrees instead.

Justification 4: Live Longer by Eating Veggies
Want to have a better chance of maintaining a healthy body weight as you grow older? Become a vegetarian. It had been proven that vegetarians have much faster metabolisms than meateaters. In the inevitable slowing of the metabolism with age that results in weight gain, vegetarians have a big advantage. Recently, a study was conducted that showed that vegetarians have resting metabolic rates (RMR) that are 11% higher than the RMR's of nonvegetarians. A heightened RMR will allow a person to burn fat and calories a lot more quickly than average. On the other hand, a lower RMR will increase the risk of becoming overweight and developing serious health problems that are related to weight issues (like diabetes, heart disease, and strokes). So, by merely substituting every meat dish with a tasty vegetarian dish you can actually increase both your quality of life and your life span. In this short history of vegetarianism, we will quickly explore the types of vegetarians and reasons for becoming a vegetarian.

First, there are several types of vegetarians including:
• Semi-vegetarian: They do not eat red animal flesh, but choose to eat chicken and fish or they primarily eat a vegetarian diet, but occasionally eat animal products.
• Lacto vegetarian: No meat or eggs, but milk is acceptable.
• Lacto-ovo vegetarian: No meat, but eggs and milk are acceptable. Most vegetarians are lacto-ovo.
• Ovo vegetarian: No meat or milk, but eggs are acceptable.
• Vegans: No meat, eggs or milk products. Historically, there have been many reasons for becoming a vegetarian including:

• Ethics: Many people believe the practice of killing an animal for consumption violates ethical standards, particularly given the modern-day treatment of animals on mega-farms.
• Religious and cultural beliefs: Several religious and cultural denominations have strict dietary guidelines which reflect the vegetarian theme.
• Health benefits: With heart disease, cancer and stroke topping the list of killer diseases in the nation, many people are turning to a vegetarian diet for health reasons. What type of vegetarian are you and why?
By taking time to reflect on your position related to vegetarianism, you will not only reap the health and moral benefits associated with a vegetarian diet, but also the internal fortitude of understanding the complete impact it has on each person and their surroundings.

metamorphosis

Repost: Dec 29, 2007

 

People find it hard to accept change and transitions....transformations.
Friends will offend you
Family will wonder what in the hell is it you are going through....and really in the end...they think it is just a phase.

But...one thing I have found to be true is that any and everything will lead you from the truth.

I knew that the moment I noticed something in the air, that there was a chance that no one would understand anything I am going through from that moment on...

I knew that my friends would one day leave me thinking I was just plain crazy
I knew that my family would further reiterate how strange I was and remind me that I have always be on some other stuff.

And I have come to realize that I am all those things....
And
I have also come to love all those things in me...so I will be strange, crazy or just on some other stuff....because if finding my way to this path puts me on some other stuff...then...
I'll be that.

I know that in my heart...this change is definitely for the better.
No chemicals, no preservatives, no meat
just me just as Jah made me and quite frankly....my Creator...
does some damn good work.
I'm proud of the strides I have made...
The beliefs I have adopted, adapted and convicted myself of....

This is me, I have changed and I am changing.

You know, at first, it hurt me so when my best friend started to criticize
when my family started to criticize....

But now I see that I don't have to allow what others think or say affect my truth and lead me away from my truth...

i thought I would be the only one to know what I know....to feel what feel

But i see now that there is a whole army of us....
An Army.

I invite this change...this metamorphosis
even if my loved ones don't.

Onward with my path in Rastafari

The best to happen to me