He Doesn't Even Know...

I can't believe how much he means to me

He's in my dreams
He wakes me up in the morning

I let him in
I know I said I would never...

For the first time I was open
I was honest
I was vulnerable

But it killed me...

I want to give him everything
And yet, he just wants to leave me

I don't know what to do to make him see
I was made for him and he was made for me

We been here before
I am his Queen but he doesn't even see me right now

He is so sick right now
He doesn't even recognize me right now

How can I make him see
That his sickness is killing me

Or maybe he is testing me...
Is that what this is?
One Big Test

Of my love, of my devotion, of my loyalty, of my strength?

I'm so in love with him
I am so devoted to him
Loyal to him...

I don't know if I am that strong....
I don't know if I can live through this...

This test...or this sickness...whatever it is...whatever it will be
It is killing me
Slowly and painfully

I love him
I want him so
He just just even know...

You See Me...

This is a continuation of another piece I wrote a very long time ago. 
I Saw Him...(part II) 

Eight years ago I dreamed of you
I saw you...
and now you have found this gypsy girl in her dreams

Even in the flesh you found me and you knew it was I
Even when I, myself, did not recognize you my King...

I had been thinking of you
wondering what was the pull and yet trying to ignore it

This time instead of a distraction I was sent a messenger that pushed us together...
and now I see you too...

And now here we are
Lovers united for all eternity

And now King...everything I do is for you
I find myself never wanting you to leave

You make me so weak and yet I feel so strong
I am still so very afraid of you and yet I can't run away

I am losing control fast
because when I look at you I see my whole future  in your eyes
Eternal love forged in the sands of time is like that

Your energy is even stronger than I remembered from my dreams
It pulls me in closer and increases my desire to make contact

This time you knew, before me, that this is our destiny
That we were meant to be

You are teaching me and now I finally getting to know
what love is

You see me....
and now, my love, I see you too...

Life is Fleeting...

Constantly I am reminded how limited my life is
I do not have all the time in the world and yet I find myself procrastinating
I find myself neglecting. I find myself not paying attention...to what really matters

I recently underwent a complete transformation
I had lost my way
I was unhappy
I was ungrateful

I did not know my worth
I did not appreciate my talents and I let them go to waste...

Then death hit me for the second time.
I was OK with death knocking on my door
Maybe that was a clue that I was already dead on the inside...

So I transformed...
I became a butterfly
I was flying high...in the friendly sky

And so when I returned from my metamorphosis, I was determined not to repeat the same mistakes
I was determined to dwell in happiness
I was determined to grow in greatness

I blossomed
I flourished

I was alive again

And then...
Death came knocking...knocking again at my door

He caught me off guard
And for a brief moment I lost sight of my will to live
I returned to the same pitfalls as before...the same toxic leeches

But how quickly I rebounded
For I am much stronger now and much wiser
My will to live is much stronger than my tendency to procrastinate and neglect

Life is fleeting...
I am here today but I can be gone tomorrow

I must leave a legacy
I must strive for happiness
I must leave all dark clouds behind and walk right into the sunshine...

Please let me go and live!
Because life is fleeting and I simply must fly

When I Think of You

When I think of my king...I always thought of you
When I think of my muse...I always thought of you
When I think of my idol...I always thought of you
When I think of my love...I always thought of you
When I think of inspiration...I always thought of you
When I think of eternal anger...I always thought of you
When I think of pain...I always thought of you

You held my heart captive for so long, my Pharaoh
I fought for you
I won you

You brought me joy
You brought me happiness
You brought me sorrow

I felt the earth and the sun move
I felt envy
I felt rage
I felt sorrow

I searched for you and when I found you, you toyed with my emotions
These foolish games you play with my heart

I didn't know it then but I could never be free so long as you ruled my heart
So I pronounced it aloud one day

"He owns my soul" I whispered
And just like that...my soul was set free...
returned to me

You see, my Pharaoh, you no longer hold me
I am free, so please let me be

I died long, long ago along with our love

and now when I think of you....I no longer think of love