Your flesh, but His Spirit

Repost: Apr 11, 2006
 

Current mood:calm

I am drawn to you and yet I never knew why...until now.
I believe in spirits invading our bodies only to communicate with appropriate people and sometimes to teach a lesson. Maybe it was the very first time that we met in which my king's spirits first approached me through your body. I did not even realize it. Maybe it was the fact that I was possessing ownership of a king that did not belong to me at the time...or maybe it was the fact that I was taking your flesh for face value. I failed to look deeper.
The fact that I was drawn to you made me lose interest in the king that I possessed. Maybe that was my king's plan - to get my attention and open my eyes. Not to merely reveal himself but make me realize that the guy I called my current king was not that spirit that lived in you - my would be king.
Then his spirit left your body but only briefly for he was now invading my dreams coming a little closer. Maybe my king felt the need to get inside my head to make me see that he was out there and he was trying to reach me. I know his physical attributes not. For that does not even matter. All that Jah allowed me to see was his rope-like hair. I know his name not. He comes from my land not and yet he gave me the sense that we had been through simular situations in life.

Then came you and I was confused. Your flesh and his spirit were tangled. It was obvious that I was thinking of you constantly and beating myself up over it because I could not understand it...something was not right. You possessed my king's spirit...but I was taking your flesh for face value.
I only realized it when I noticed that I saw myself in you as I was many years ago...perhaps my king suffered the same past as well. Perhaps he is letting me know that our bond is even deeper than I thought. His spirit is a great teacher...and so I can only imagine him in flesh. But anxious I am not. I already know that Jah has planted an amazing king out there for me and his spirit is all around me.
But I have to stop confusing him for you...and listen to his wisdom and follow his lead. Perhaps he will now leave your body now that I understand a little better. Perhaps he meant for you to be in our lives. What I do know is that you are you...and he is my king in spirit just awaiting the time until Jah plans our meeting. And that will be the day that our physical meet and spirits understand...for it could always be that we have met in flesh without the spirit catching up. Jah has mysterious ways.
Until then, he watches over me - my would be king.

We Women...

Repost: Mar 29, 2006

 

Current mood:aggravated

Something has happened to our men that they feel they cannot handle a strong woman.
I am constantly reminded that I must "know my place in society" as a woman. The problem is not that we women don't know our place, some men do not know our place! Just for the record, it is not under or behind you! We belong beside you!
A true king should be able to respect and uplift a strong queen. What kind of man would prefer a docile woman in the home who knows her place?! Wouldn't a strong man confident in himself want a strong woman to go into battle along side him?

We are the lowest paid, we have lower ranks and yet just as much brains as men. And as if this is not enough to deal with in Babylon, we have to deal with this type of shit in religious sectors. So now I can't even be just as rightous or pious as the men in my congregation because of my sex! If I want to be a virtuous woman then I have to once again stiffle myself, dress the part and know my place (behind the men).
Because I know that there are real kings out there who will love my eccentric and strong personality, I refuse to conform for anyone or anything. Just because the majority is telling me to ascribe to a certain behavior in order to be considered a woman, does not mean I have opress my personality and follow suit like everyone else. Because I know that there are real men out there who would more than appreciate real women, I continue to be Erica. This is who Jah has instilled in my temporary body. My spirit is ordained by The Most High and not meant to be broken by anyone! I have come to bring the new world order and I will not conform to old traditions that not only no longer apply to today's time but had no place in history to begin with!
Something has to be changed in our society, in our lifstyles and religious beliefs. We women have to first realize our worth before we show others. Once they see that we are worthy, deserving and that they need us at their side....they will have no choice but to accept. Take a stand! The more you conform and opress your personality to appease someone who is weak in themselves....the longer they will have the upper hand.
I would rather give a strong king the upper hand. I would rather he ruled this land...not some coward threatened by my mere speech, ideas and clothes...
but a real man - a real king
he would not be afraid to uplift a real queen

Black History?

Repost: March 8, 2006

My sister has just given birth to her second child. I was designated to care for my older nephew Davyon. I had come up with this plan to leave on my lunch break to run over to Davyon's elementary school to retrieve him and then bring him back to my office. As I walked down the long hall to find his Pre-K classroom, I remembered how I, too, had attended this very school. It is just as inadequate now as it was back then.
As I rushed back down the hall with my nephew in tow, trying to make it back downtown in time, I noticed that the school had many displays of important figures in Black History. As I was leaving the school, I could not help but to notice the last display. The very last display you see as you leave the school.
In a nice glass display case, were the pictures of two staff members of the school and all of their sorority paraphenalia neatly placed around the portraits. This was our last impression of Black History.
Let's bypass the fact that elementary school age children know nothing of black greek life - let alone what a college is. For me to discuss why it is inappropriate for elementary kids to be learning about what their educators found to be the most important part of college life is just as ridiculous as the display cases with sorority paraphenalia displayed as a significant moment in Black History.
Why would our fellow educators showcase their precious sorority items in honor of Black History month? Is this really what we deem appropriate for celebration? No explanation of the history of the organizations were given...just the fact that Ms. So-and-So joined this organization and her counterpart joined another - and here are all the nice things you get when you join a sorority.

I ask again, Is this really what we call Black History?! Is it now all about what "crew" we rep in college?! At least our educators understand what's important in life...going to college to join a sorority! And they were starting this fervor at a young age - getting them trained before they even grasped the concept of a university.
I too admit that I fell into a certain type of sorority life. I had always rejected the concept of sororities and fraternities adn the fact that they were racially segregated. That told me from the start that neither, the black or white organization would totally accept me or at least I would have to choose a side and that just isn't my type of party. When I saw a sorority that was mulitcultural and not the typical organization, I jumped on the chance to be apart of that group! I only recently learned, however, that this was not the right answer. These organizations are not bringing us together as a people, in fact they are further dividing us. In any rate, no regrets I have in life as I have met so many strong women of all walks of life and we remains "sisters" til this day. Not sorors, but sisters.
But the issue at hand here still remains and brings us back to Black History and the involvement of the black greek system. The display did not even mention that the black greek organizations were created in response to the overwhelming amount of racism by white organizations blacks found on college campuses. They didn't even mention any of the widely known historical data about any of these highly secretive organizations - the ones they can be proud of!The two ladies definitely would not have mentioned that historically black colleges like Howard, Hampton and Spelman had an unwritten requirement for entrance - fair skinned and straight hair. These sororities and fraternities also began to take part in this race and hair elitism as mentioned by several researchers of this subject.
(This is where some of you may get offended my statements. I am never here to offend, but simply enlighten...)
According to Ayana Byrd and Lori Tharps in their book, Hair Story: The Roots of Untangling Black Hair in America, The Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority and Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity acquired the reputation of being light-skinned, "good"-haired groups. Black greeks also created "color-tax" parties in the 1920s. At these parties, men would have to pay a tax determined by how dark their dates were. There were also black fraternity parties where attendees gained entrance based on a "ruler test." Only if your hair was as straight as the ruler could you get in.
We expect you not to tell us about the negative historical aspects of your secret society and we are fully aware that times may or may not have changed for you and your organization...but if you are to represent yourself to our children as a part of black history then at least represent your organization correctly and let us know why you feel you are a significant contributor to the rich Black History of the United States -- unless, of course, that too is a secret...

My Path pt.II

Repost: Mar 6, 2006

 

She tugged her denim trenchcoat as she stood on the corner of Euclid and Colquitt in Little 5 Points. She was awaiting the arrival of her new but dear friend. She was watching the Bazaar close down as she admired the crochet designs of one of the shop owners. It was February 14th. Valentine's Day - a paganistic holiday yet a well thought out one by capitalist organizations worldwide who cash in on such far fetched holidays as this one. She never celebrated Valentine's Day, nor had she allowed any man to honor her specifically on this day. For any man who proposed to love her had to understand that she was deserving of his love all throughout the year and not on the one designated day when everyone received their affection. She was not the typical female and her king would know that and act accordingly. Finally her friend arrived and she greeted her with a big smile.

"How are you?" her friend asked.
"Doing well." she responded. "Let's have some dinner."
The two young ladies turned to enter the sushi restaurant where they had plans to dine. As they were seated at a table near the window, her friend began to ask "Have you heard from him lately?"
HE was her ex-boyfriend that she broke up with about a month and a half ago.
"Yes, he actually e-mailed me today. He wanted to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. Can you believe that?!" she blurted out. "I mean did he ever even know me at all?! Valentine's Day?!"
"Does it upset you that he still tries to contact you every now and then? Are you afraid that he can persuade you into..." her friend began to inqure.
"NO!" she interrupted. "HE and I are over and I am positive that he is not the one for me. I have seen my king and he is not him...His spirit does not fit. He is just not he one for me. I know that he may not understand where I am headed and why I had to cut my ties with him but I am on a different path now. One day I pray Jah will help him to understand."
"Maybe he misses the you that was and in some way is hopeful that she will come back. He could also be on a journey himself and seeks your counsel." her friend reasoned.The woman thought for a moment, for she never thought of it that way. Every since she had started on this journey it seemed like everyone was up against her and she had only viewed him as part of the opposition. These days everything about him screamed babylon. It seemed like everyone around her wanted to convert her back into confusion and darkness. But in fact she felt as if she had just woke up and the long sleep was good.

I was going through those changes but I wasn't, as everyone believed, going crazy. I thought I was opening up to more wisdom and felt I should share it. I had a strong religious impulse to begin with - as a child in church, I used to get the spirit, jumping and shouting, speaking in tongues and going into trances. Long before I met Bob, I'd been reading my Bible. Now I turned to preaching the faith of Rastafari - wherever I went I 'd talk about black pride and raising ourselves up (Rita Marley, No Woman, No Cry: My Life With Bob Marley).

Just then the woman noticed someone come into the restarant that she recognized.

"What's that?" her friend asked.

"This young lady that just walked in. I had lunch with her not too long ago. She said something that still hangs on my mind today."

"What was that?"

"She said that Rastafari was a movement that was very powerful back in the day." she let that one hang in the air. "Just like that she said it. Rastafari is not a movement! It is not even a religion! It is a way of life! For her to dismiss it like it was a cool thing to be a part of back in the day...as if it was a phase people went through in history but now it is gone...done and over it. It was not cool! It was and is and will forever be the truth! It is not a movement from the past, it is a way of life!" she calmed down and noticed that her friend was grinning at her slightly. "What's that? What's with the look?"

"Because I hear you sista! You are quick to say to me that you are on a path and that you are learning what it means to be Rasta. That you have a way to go before you can call yourself a Rasta. But I hear you talking tonight! You are convinced and this is your road. You say that you are not ready...but I do believe that I am speaking with and having dinner with a Rasta tonight."

I realized now that whatever you put yourself through to be where you are today is all a part of you. I wasn't crazy, I was simply trying to find out who I was, and where, and why (Rita Marley, No Woman, No Cry: My Life With Bob Marley).

What was meant to be

Repost: Feb 28, 2006

Current mood:anxious

I sit here in my office day after day thinking to myself as I stare out the window...
I know that there is much more to my life than this. Jah has placed much more responsibility on me than this. I know that I am one of the chosen ones.
As I travel from city to city...country to country...all in the line of duty...I learn many things and meet many people. I thank Jah for that chance because it is all I ever wanted in my days in the university.
Still I think there is much more to my life than this. I was meant to build His nation. He has given me desires to help the suffering and feed my brethren.
I was not meant to be in this office. I want to teach children to read in the Congo, build adequate housing in the ghettos of Soweto, uplift the people of Jamaica, prevent AIDS in South Africa, protest against female genital mutilation in the Middle East...
I want to fight racism, sexism and end exploitation of little ones.
I want to empower little girls and teach them that they too can have it all.
This can't be my role in life. Can't be my final destination as a global war mistress. I have a message to give and an even bigger message to receive.
I know who I am and what was meant to be.

To Appear Black

Repost: Feb 22, 2006

 

Current mood:awake

Warning: This may seem twisted but wearing my hair pressed/permed was my way of proving my identity.
Let me say that again, I would straighten my hair so that other blacks would not question my ethnicity or question my authenticity as a black woman.
Growing up I felt as if I always had to prove to my own people that I was indeed "one of them." No matter how I dressed, or talked or looked...it was as if somehow they could always tell that I am biracial. And somehow I thought all that would change as I grew into adulthood because adults don't care about such a silly thing as race and how black I really am.
So I had this great idea that if I wear my hair straight like all the other black girls then no one would be none the wiser. I mean, I am pretty brown if not darker than the average biracial individual...so it could work, right? Because I allowed other people, especially other black people's comments to affect me in such a negative way...I decided to change the one thing that would give me away. I had to straighten my hair because aside from any other features I have that may give my "unblackness" away, my hair was the one feature that definitely said it all.
I went natural three years ago but still I think had this shit backwards...I would daily wear my hair pressed. I could not handle the "you're not one of us looks." I even remember going out with a boyfriend and thinking that I better press my hair straight because he may not find the real me appealing.
I find in my growth as a woman that I must fully accept and love the person that Jah has created me to be. My hair, my features and my background...my ethnicity is the way it is because Jah said it so and it was and therefore it is. So in my journey to be who I am and fulfill the destiny set out for me, it's only right that I start with my crowning glory.
My hair is more than fierce...a big crown of tight ringlets everywhere. It's like a wild, fierce lion's mane when I emancipate my strands from a ponytail and let it loose. It is a combination of boths sides of my family which makes me unique and special in Jah's eyes because He created this piece of art.
I may never be black enough for certain individuals and maybe in somes way, I am not. My hair tells a story of how people come together regardless of race, background and even languages...they came together anyway in nothing but unconditional love and each had a hand in creating me...
one of many harmony babies.

I know 2 girls...

Repost: Feb 21, 2006

Current mood:accomplished

I know these two girls.
And it's sad to say that the world is full of people like them. People who need to wake up to things occuring around them. They don't realize that there is a change in the wind. Of course they would like to believe that they have it together...but they know damn well they don't.
They can't stand to see chicks like me coming. They seem to think that I represent something that they want...confidence. And not so much as in myself but in my beliefs and my battle.
See chicks like them don't have a clue. They merely exist in life. you know the kind that sits in the grey area in life. They don't know that there is so much more to this lost world. All they know is that they are existing in it and that in itself is dangerous for the mind. For she becomes lost just as these two girls.
Girls like them can't stand to see the truth coming at them! They are blind and they want to stay that way and damn the person who has pity on their souls and try to show them the way...
Because to them, this is the only way....sitting in the grey area in a lost world with a cursed soul...
And chicks like me just scream everything they want to be...
Confident in her beliefs...seeker of the truth

The Revolution will be televised

Repost: Feb 17, 2006

Current mood:energetic

We are at war.
For a long time now I have been feeling like something is stirring up in my soul. There was the immense amount of anxiety that was building up. I believe my spirit was on the move. My mind was mobilizing.
We are at war.
I must prepare myself because this will be survival of the fittest. And when the rains of acid pour, I want to be one of the last ones standing. My destiny is being fufilled. Untold prophecies coming to life.
We are at war.
I take my place as a war mistress and I will stand firmly with my corporal for we battle over the lands of Jah. We stand for righteousness and love of all mankind.
We are at war.
I can feel it in the wind and it is coming over me. For this earth is no longer as it was at the beginning of time. Babylon is falling. Watch who you listen to and question your leaders. I will emmerge victorious carrying the mark of Zion. Running my fingers through my King's badge of strength and courage.
We stand tall for there are no hiding places. With our faces toward The Most High...
We battle long and you may laugh now...but you too shall see
We are at war.

He said

Repost: Febuary 13, 2006
Current mood:calm

He said he missed me.
In all the time that we were in each other's presence, he said a lot of things. And I ate them up. Like it was food for my soul. But they were just false prophecies.
I'm still at him missing me.
How can you miss someone you did not know? Someone you did not see...He misses me?! He even failed to understand. I am a woman with a mission...a woman with a plan. I was on a journey and I let him stop me dead in my tracks. I allowed myself to get disracted. Distracted no more, I stand firm in my path. Firm in my journey. I'm on the road to Zion.
He misses repressing me. Degrading me and making me feel like a child. He misses ignoring me and not hearing me. He still don't hear me..if he did, he wouldn't have said he missed me. He wouldn't have tried to use his tired charm to lure me back into his world.
He misses me? He doesn't even know me and if he saw me now, he wouldn't even recognize me.
I saw him though, the same night I saw my One. He was in my ear trying so eagerly to distract me. To take me off path to the promised land. He wanted to lead me down that road of false prophecies again. But my eyes were on the prize as my gaze locked my King into sight.
I have a new life now. New passions and reasons to struggle.
He said he missed me. He doesn't even know me.

La Verdad: Un poema dedicado a Carolina Zauzo – mi ángel

Repost: Febuary 9, 2006

Eras como una flor

Mejoraste mi vida

Y a causa de ti no conozco el dolor

Te llamo cuando te necesito

Y cuando me necesitas

Soy tu hermana - Es automático

Para mi eres tan importante

Siempre te cuido

de ti siempre estaré adelante

Estabas allí en mi tiempo de necesidad

Eres mi amiga verdadera

Eres la causa de mi felicidad

Y tu puedes contar conmigo

Nunca te abandonaré

Mi mundo ha mejorado desde que te conocí

Es para siempre nuestra unión

nunca nos perderemos

Te encontraré en mis recuerdos y en mi corazón

Por ti siento amor puro

Tan poderoso es el amor entre nosotros dos

No es ruidoso sino tranquilo como el viento

Desde el principio hasta el final

En este mundo donde amigos vienen y salen

Estoy segura que contigo no sé ningún mal

Te agradezco por nuestra amistad

Porque nuestra amistad es auténtica

Nuestra amistad es la verdad

Y la verdad es nuestra amistad.

I saw him...

Repost: Febuary 7, 2006

 

Current mood:peaceful

I saw him one night. He is my one and I know he saw me too.
I constantly travel these distant lands being the gyspy girl I am. Not many understand me...shit, people don't even see me.
But he sees me. Not just my flesh, he sees me.
I saw you my love and I know that you and I are not of the same land. We share similar backgrounds and beliefs but we never met each other physically. But I know that you are near and we are close to becoming we.
Since I last saw him...I can't stop thinking about him. I know he is strong and I know he has vision. Jah chose him for me and for him I wait patiently. He is worth a thousands years in solitude just for me to simply know him.
You are the truth my love and every since you visited my dreams, my heart and mind is calm. I saw you and I know you saw me.

My Path

Repost: January 30, 2006

Current mood:contemplative

I really want to address the question of my path. Yes, I am interested in Rastafarianism. No, I do not claim to be Rasta. I don't think I am so much into the RASTA lifestyle as much as I am into finding the TRUTH. I am a truthseeker and these days I am very thirsty for knowledge. I believe that the Lord speaks to me in these wonderous ways...and He has led me to look into other people's cultures and belief systems. There are many things that I see in other religions that are similar to Christianity. Rasta is the first to impact me as so because I do believe in some of the beliefs that are found in this religion....When I explore the tenets of the Rasta culture, I feel at home. I have found an enlightened path. Everyone's path is different and we are but so lucky and blessed if we are to find the right ones for ourselves before our time on this earth is over.

I do believe in the One Love movement...I do believe that human institutions are extremely flawed and that we are living in a Babylon system. My road is the path to Zion...or Heaven if you will.

I am on a truthseeking path that goes far beyond my bible studies and Sunday visits to the Sanctuary. I am growing to become a better person to follow Jah's will. I am learning to love myself and accept myself because all this time I thought I did accept myself. So I hope this does not alarm any of my fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord. I know I mentioned some of my "newfound" views to others once and they kind of gave me this "you are falling into a cult" look. Please know that it is nothing like that. It is not a cult. This is real. This is the truth and I am simply trying to learn from others and decipher the truth for myself. I am trying to get a message out and the main one is that we need to wake up and reject this society.

I truly respect the Rasta belief system and lifestyle and I look to learn more from a group of enlightened people such as the Rastas.

One Love and Jah Bless.

The One

Repost: December 30, 2005

 

Current mood:thankful

Everyone has that one person. You know, what I am talking about. That one person who could change it all. Change you. Make you see life through different eyes.
My One has reappeared. Life is like that with us. So alike we are but doing things in totally different cycles and no matter how compatible we are...we just can't seem to make it to the same page. And yet we feel in our hearts, that someday, we will get there. And there's no rush...no...we can wait. Because he to me and I to him...we are worth the wait.
What we have is bigger than us, bigger than our understanding. So what does that mean for others who have come along the way to fill our shoes in the meantime?
All I know is that Jah has plans and that no man can put asunder. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that it is great and I will embrace it. It's been coming for a long time and my heart feels with anticipation. I never believed in it but now I feel it. It is real. He is real. He is the truth. He is my One.

Mahoghany

Repost: December 28, 2005

Current mood:contemplative

not that I was ever a big fan of Dianna Ross or the movie Mahoghany, but the theme that plagues the film is a realistic one. I am not claiming to have ever been in love or to even know what love is. If ever faced with the situation, I would most certainly choose to live out my dreams as a successful fashion designer. Besides, my philosophy has always been that human love fades or wears off and could never satisfy you like your career could. Am I against love? No, love exist and love is real. Just maybe not for me.
I've learned that humans will never "live up to our expectations" of one another. So, would I give up a chance to move to an exciting new place and further my career for that human that I know is going to let me down...perhaps, over and over and over again? I prefer to put my faith in Jah's love rather than the love of a man. Trust in Jah and he will send you that person who will understand your heart and mind. Follow your dreams and make it happen. If he or she loves you and is truly the one for you...Jah will make sure that they will be there for you in the end.