Repost: Feb 22, 2006
Current mood:awake
Warning: This may seem twisted but wearing my hair pressed/permed was my way of proving my identity.Let me say that again, I would straighten my hair so that other blacks would not question my ethnicity or question my authenticity as a black woman.
Growing up I felt as if I always had to prove to my own people that I was indeed "one of them." No matter how I dressed, or talked or looked...it was as if somehow they could always tell that I am biracial. And somehow I thought all that would change as I grew into adulthood because adults don't care about such a silly thing as race and how black I really am.
So I had this great idea that if I wear my hair straight like all the other black girls then no one would be none the wiser. I mean, I am pretty brown if not darker than the average biracial individual...so it could work, right? Because I allowed other people, especially other black people's comments to affect me in such a negative way...I decided to change the one thing that would give me away. I had to straighten my hair because aside from any other features I have that may give my "unblackness" away, my hair was the one feature that definitely said it all.
I went natural three years ago but still I think had this shit backwards...I would daily wear my hair pressed. I could not handle the "you're not one of us looks." I even remember going out with a boyfriend and thinking that I better press my hair straight because he may not find the real me appealing.
I find in my growth as a woman that I must fully accept and love the person that Jah has created me to be. My hair, my features and my background...my ethnicity is the way it is because Jah said it so and it was and therefore it is. So in my journey to be who I am and fulfill the destiny set out for me, it's only right that I start with my crowning glory.
My hair is more than fierce...a big crown of tight ringlets everywhere. It's like a wild, fierce lion's mane when I emancipate my strands from a ponytail and let it loose. It is a combination of boths sides of my family which makes me unique and special in Jah's eyes because He created this piece of art.
I may never be black enough for certain individuals and maybe in somes way, I am not. My hair tells a story of how people come together regardless of race, background and even languages...they came together anyway in nothing but unconditional love and each had a hand in creating me...
one of many harmony babies.
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