It was about how much I am a loner. "you stick to yourself" he said. "You like being alone" - he said it like he understood why but I wonder what he really was saying....
"you are just like my other niece, Tia" I think Tia was his favorite. I don't think anyone thought anything bad of it but I think she was his favorite. I always liked her for no reason....we didn't really talk much but we went to the same college and earned the same degree.
I'm glad he compared me to her.
I was rushing to go be by myself when he was speaking to me...I think back on that a lot - about all the times I rushed him off the phone so I can get back to being by myself.
He liked to talk, you know. He called everyday just to shoot the breeze. I'd give anything to shoot the breeze with my uncle Carl now. I took it for granted. He will always call and I can talk to him tomorrow - I thought. I'm busy today. Busy being alone.
We always do that you know...I don't know how many times we say it but Cherish your loved ones and take the time to slow down with them...we always say it but we never feel it.
We don't know what we say...until they are gone.
I'd give anything not to be alone right now and to be talking to my uncle Carl.
It makes it easier to come out of my shell now but now ...
now it also hurts.
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